Fixing my eyes on Christ

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." ~ Hebrews 12 (1-3)

Without getting too personal, or sharing any details, and if you feel led,
I could really use your prayers. There is a storm brewing in my life. God has been preparing my heart for the past year (little did I know), and He has been faithful to carry me through it.
Have you ever watched someone while they go through a difficult trial, and think~ how are they surviving this, and that you would fall to pieces if it happened to you?
If you ask them, they will say God will give you what you need in that moment. I always doubted that statement, not because I doubted that God is big enough, but because I doubted myself, I didn't think that I could handle it.
Well, I was right! I can not go through this trial, without keeping my eyes on Christ.

In my last post, which was this past Monday, I was feeling strong in my faith, thankful that Jesus is my shelter, and in awe of how close His presence is, and if going through these storms, brings me closer to Him, and causes me to praise Him, then bring it on.
Well, let me just share that the next day I began to fall into a pit of depression, and then on Wednesday, I thought about my post, and how I wanted to take back those words. Wondering, how strong am I? Maybe I can not handle asking for more rain? Then as I was falling deeper and deeper into this depression, I was struggling to praise God.
How did this change so drastically within a day?
Why?
Because I took my eyes off of Christ, and placed them on myself.
Saying to myself;
"I can not do this anymore", "I am not strong enough", "I am not good enough", "How can I....", "Why should I...." , ............... every doubt that I could possibly have of self.

I was losing heart and becoming very weary, and not even able to understand how this happened so quickly.

And then God said, "you took your eyes off of Me".

You see, the more I kept looking to myself at how I was going to manage this storm, the more overwhelmed I became. The more I doubted. The more depressed I became, because I know that I am not capable. I was becoming weaker and weaker by the moment,
I just kept repeating, "Lord, I can not do this!"

And then God said, "apart from Me, you can do nothing!"
(John 15:4-5) "Abide in Me, and I in you.
As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself
unless it abides in the vine,
so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
I am the vine, you are the branches;
he who abides in Me and I in him,
he bears much fruit,
for apart from Me you can do nothing."

I hope that I will apply discipline to what I have learned. At least five mornings out of a week, I start my day in God's word, but now I know that is not enough, I must begin by praying and fixing my eyes on the Lord. God is my refuge and strength!

(Jeremiah 29:11-14a) "For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD,
plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.
I will be found by you,
declares the LORD".
(Psalm 73:26) "My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
(Psalm 46:1) "God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble."



*(this is from a book I just finished reading, "It's All About Him", by Denise Jackson)*
~"But now I'm beginning to learn that the hard chapters show God's power in a way that the happy ones do not. Brokenness moves my story forward in a way that peaceful times do not. It's in difficulties that I become desperate to really know God, to cry out to Him. .......................
When everything is going well, we often can't hear God, because the music all around us is turned up too loud. But when the party stops--in those moments of crashing pain, sorrow, and sudden silence--we begin to hear His voice."