20 Years later.......

Yesterday, I realized that is has been exactly twenty years since I was taken away from my mother. I have shared with many people some of my history, but Praise be to God for taking away certain memories, and the feelings of pain that comes with them. I am so thankful that my mind does not dwell in the past, although sometimes it can be a bad thing, like when a friend, maybe from high school, says "remember.......", and I have no memory of it. It is not that I did not enjoy and love my friends, but my mind just does not retain memories, and that has been for my good.
Pictures are one thing that will stir a lost memory, but there is no other thing that stirs a memory from my childhood like taking these Foster training classes.

Twenty years ago, I was 13, living with my mom and my sister, in Sacramento, Ca.
I can clearly remember that night, more than any other in my entire life. Writing this is not easy, I can not hold in the emotions that come from that night, but I want to share what the Lord has done, and soon, I hope to post more testimony of what God has saved me from, in my profile.

We were at the Sacramento River all day. Two things you must know, 1. we were homeless living in a car, 2. my mother is-was a drug/alcohol addict, with Schizophrenia.
I will try to shorten this story.
With the Schizophrenia, her mind was not in "reality". Her mind produced"stories", only there was NO fact to them. Some examples are~ the Government was after her because she witnessed a murder, she was Mary-mother of Jesus, I can remember several times being beat because I was a "clone" or that someone planted a listening device in me to track her......basically, I was beaten like I was her enemy. On this evening, that God would save me from certain death, and I am not exaggerating. I had survived many severe beatings, and this next part is very graphic, but it is the truth, she would take me behind grocery stores, with a butcher knife, and threaten to kill me and cut me into small pieces and throw me into the dumpster, how that never happened, I can only say that God wrapped His hands of protection around me.
Ok, I was trying to keep this short...that evening, her mind created a story that she blamed me for, and beat me to near death. She left, with my sister. It was dark, and I was scared. Being abandoned, in strange places, was becoming very common. I would usually hide in a tree, or in some bushes (fear that a stranger would take me, the crazy part is, that I would have probably been better off), and some time later she would come back for me.
After she left me, I hid in the bushes. Scared, crying and in pain. Around an hour later, a park ranger found me. How he found me? Only by God's guiding. It was a long walk downhill, and the area was thick with trees and bushes. He was in a vehicle, so the path must have been wide enough for his vehicle.
This was not the first time being taken away from my mother. I can remember, two times right before this, being taken into Children service agency, with obvious bruises all over my body, but they gave me back to my mom. Why? Because I lied, and told them that my mom did not do it. Why? Because, I loved my mom. I had a fear of leaving her. I had a fear that she would die if I left her. She would tell me that she could not live without me, and as a child, my love for my mom was unconditional.

Why share this?
Because I know that God has a plan and a purpose for me! God did not save my life, or my soul, that I should live for myself. My history, is "His-story".
I give Him ALL Praise,Honor and Glory, for giving me life, not just on this earth, but that He has given His Son as a one time sacrifice, that I may enter eternity, to enjoy Him forever..........

*BTW~ I did not plan on sharing this. I wanted to post about the foster training classes, that we took yesterday, and how convicted I am, that God wants us to keep our home open. Don't panic. I am not ready to take on any more right now, but I have battled selfish thoughts about my future. Our home may not be perfect, and we are not perfect parents, but these kids need a safe place to go, and a family that will not give up on them. I won't go into detail, but I am furious that the system protects and gives endless chances to birth parents, and these children are the ones suffering the consequences!